If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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