I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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