Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
