I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
