She is in my trunk
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
