Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
