Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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