You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm always down for nudity.
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