Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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