Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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