South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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