Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
this will be a night to untag.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
