too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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