he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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