i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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