The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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