did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
