I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
