i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
