God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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