took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize