so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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