no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
