he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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