there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
These tits shall not be calmed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
