Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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