Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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