My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
