I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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