Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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