it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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