It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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