I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
