Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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