i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
