and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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