i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
