forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
