I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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