its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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