we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
