Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
