dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
