Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
