You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
