I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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