I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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