i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
