Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
