We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
