I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
