i just google imaged poop.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
