What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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