Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
