SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
