youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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