I must be too annoying 4 u.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
