god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
