When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
