Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I touched a dick in church today
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
