so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
