They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
