My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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