Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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