I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
