I need help removing her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
