I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
