She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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